The sudden death of a mother

Posted by Felix Okoli on Friday May 29, 2015 at 14:3:39:

Death never leaves a good feeling to the living unless perhaps the dead person was considered evil among the living he left behind but in the case of losing someone who has meant only well for you, it can be really hard trying to live your life as it nothing happened. Death is like a black hole that keeps sucking life out of your life the more you remember it and this depends on how close you were to the person.

About 2 weeks ago, I remembered talking with my mother and having a friendly discussion but I still can't believe that she's gone till today and it's really shocking and I'm still a bit depressed. To me, it seems as if life is no more worth living although I don't believe in suicide.

Why do we work so hard so survive if we are all going to die someday? Both rich and poor people will eventually die within a 100 years and in our time, it's getting shorter by 40 years already. However, some people die suddenly and some die slowly and I hoped that my mother would have died slower.

If my mother died after a prolonged illness at a hospital or at home, I may have felt more different and consoled that we said our goodbyes properly and that we prepared for her death but in a case where an averagely healthy and active person suddenly dies in the early hours of the morning, it is really painful and makes me feel sad and at the same time a bit angry with life. Why is earthly life so cruel? Why does sudden death exist? The only illness I knew she was taking drugs for was her high blood pressure and it seemed everything was ok.

At times I feel like my mum just walked out on us or that someone just took her out of our lives by force and it makes me feel sad and angry at the same time. Death is cruel and I wonder who invented it.

When your mother suddenly dies, it would seem like a part of your life has been cut off and that you were partially dead. This is someone you've known practically all you life and not just some friend or colleague you met 10 years ago. Food and entertainment would no longer make much meaning to you. You would see no reason to laugh in a world that you now consider so ugly and evil. Why do we work so hard to survive if we are eventually not going to live that long?

I think the only consolation one can get when his mother suddenly dies is that she has gone to a place where she would have peace with God but if only I can get a sign that she's already there, I would be a bit consoled. It can be really hard to get a sign from heaven.

It's a bit strange waking up everyday and not being able to see one's cheerful mother again and not able to hold or touch her as a physical person. It's a bit strange that the only thing I can say that connects me back to my mother are the memories we had. The way she spoke, walked and reacted are all so unique and no one can really replace that.